Hank Louis' Birth Story

This is the fourth, and I'm expecting final, birth story I will write. As I was jotting down the details of Hank's arrival, my daughters were eagerly asking about their own births. I told them that, yes, I had wrote down each of their stories. I can imagine them comparing the stories to those of their own babies some day. (Except my oldest who says she is going to foster/adopt and would prefer not to be pregnant. Watching your mother puke for months on end must have that effect.) This raised some questions of my own. Will Hank, as a man, ever care to read this story? Will I be sharing it with his wife, who will then think I'm one of those natural childbirth freaks? I expect that Goldie will enjoy reading her story. Do I share the whole story with her? How will she feeling reading about the diagnosis and my reaction? Hopefully, I have a few years to think about it. I'm going to trust that the answers to these questions will reveal themselves to me when the time comes. Life has a way of preparing me for what comes next.

Enough touchy-feely stuff, its time for some statistics. Over 4 million babies are born each year in the United States. Hank was one of the 1% that was born outside of a hospital. Of that 1%, only 27.3% are born at a freestanding birth center. He is my only child to not be born at a hospital. I drove 45 minutes each to way to every prenatal visit and took a lot of flak from well meaning family for choosing to have a midwife attended birth. Even my husband was not completely sold on the idea and let everyone know it. He knew that the research supports my position that it would be safer, but still worried about the "what ifs". I could do another post just on the advantages of using a birth center and compare my experiences with 4 different birth attendants.

Now for the good stuff. To save time, I tried to stick to the important parts and didn't add a lot of detail.

Monday, December 28, 2009
3:00 I'm officially 41 weeks, so I need to have an ultrasound and a non-stress test. The ultrasound will measure the amniotic fluid and the NST will listen to the baby's heart and make sure he is moving around.
The ultrasound revealed a nuchal hand (the hand is presenting next to the head) and that he was face down. I wasn't too surprised, he was waving hello to the midwife during an internal at 38 weeks.

5:30 When we get home I fall in the driveway, twice. My husband orders me not to get up until he can help me.

8:30 I start having contractions. I pack Hank Sr's lunch for work that night and get the coffee pot set up for him. I assume the contractions will stop once I lay down. Just like they have for the last 3 weeks.

9:00 I lay down to watch tv with the girls

10:00 I try to get some sleep

11:00 The contractions are getting stronger and keep waking me up. I decide to go upstairs to wake Hank Sr up. It takes me 20 minutes to talk myself off of the couch. Between the fall and the labor, it hurts to move.

11:20 Hank Sr. is up pouring himself some coffee and I'm calling the midwife. Hank calls my mom and stepdad to come watch the girls.

11:45 We head out into a snowstorm to the Midwife Center. This is my 3rd baby born during a snowstorm. I kept asking Hank to slow down because I was afraid we would slide off the road and get stuck.

12:40 We arrived at The Midwife Center. Kathy was the midwife on call and Gretchen was our nurse. In the dark, I could see the lights of the Forest Room waiting for us. Kathy checked me and I was dilated 4cm, then Gretchen listened to the baby's heartbeat.

1:00 Hot tub anyone? I lowered myself into the warm jacuzzi tub and found instant relief. I hadn't been this comfortable in at least a month. Water is a better analgesic than anything I've ever gotten at a hospital. Gretchen brought me an english muffin with pb&j and a glass of gingerale. She continued to check the baby's heart tones, reminded me to drink, and asked if I needed the water warmed up. She also showed my husband how to apply counter-pressure to my back. During a contraction, the midwife asked my husband if I always this quiet when I was in labor. He made some smart remark, I laughed and told her yes. It's true, I was completely silent other than the sound of my breathing.

2:00 The contractions got much stronger and the baby moved down even further. We decided it was time to get out of the tub. I paced the room, leaning on my husband during contractions. I tried leaning on the birthing ball and began to feel some pressure. I wasn't ready to push, but started feeling antsy.

2:15 I asked Kathy to check me again. I had reached 7cm  I knew from my previous births that if she broke my water I'd be holding my son within 20 minutes.

2:17 I decided that 41 weeks was long enough and asked the midwife to break my water. As I had anticipated, the contractions were overwhelming. Everyone kept reminding me how great I was doing and that it wouldn't be much longer. Laying on my side, I began pushing when I felt ready. I really wanted this to be over, so I didn't stop pushing until they reminded me to breathe. I know it didn't hurt this much with other babies.

2:32 I pulled Hank Louis up onto my chest and he raised his head to look at me. His daddy and I looked at each other with mutual joy and disbelief.  In 15 minutes I went from 7 cm to holding my baby boy! Kathy explained that he was born with his hand next to his head, so I'd be a little sore this time.

We spent the next hour chatting while Hank nursed. I now know what the expression "born to breastfeed" really means.  The cord stopped pulsing and his daddy got to cut it.
He weighed in at 7pounds 11oz and was 20 1/4" long. Gretchen cooked a breakfast of eggs and toast for us then left us to get some rest. Of course we couldn't sleep, but we did enjoy an nice snuggle, just the three of us. I've know that you can't always get what you want in life, but this time I did. Hank was blessed with a birth that went just as his mama had planned.

Good things come to those who wait!

Here he is!



Baby Hank arrived on Dec 29th at 2:32 AM. He weighed 7lbs 11oz and is 20 1/4" long. Not the peanut we thought he was. Everything went as planned and he is doing fabulous. His big sisters are always holding him and Goldie warms up a little more to him each day. She doesn't seem very jealous, just a little hesitant. I'm taking my job of resting very seriously and soaking up every minute with my 4th baby that I can!

Right now...

this is as close as Goldie can get to her little brother.

The Picture

At the end of this post,I mentioned a picture that was hanging in the entrance hall of my midwife's office. Well, I found it online here, so I can share it with all of you. You'll have to select the 4th picture at the top and then the 3rd one on the right. This was the first time I read the text that goes with it. I'm so busy trying to get 3 kids in and out with me that I never stop.

36 Weeks!

I had my 36 week midwife appointment today. It felt so wierd to go back, since I was just there 5 days ago. But, weekly visits it is from here on out!

I measured 35 cm. Which is just great! He doesn't seem to be a very big baby and they estimate he'll be about 6 1/2 pounds, no more than 7. I can't wait to see if they're right. I know the u/s I had with Goldie wasn't very accurate. I was offered an u/s today, but declined. My neighbor is going through a complicated pregnancy right now, with weekly ultrasounds and visits to specialists. I see the emotional roller coaster this has put them on and I want no part of it. I don't need any help finding things to worry about.

The midwife also mentioned that there was a RSV outbreak at the hospital they use. (I'm planning on delivering at a birth center.) Healthy newborns from the nursery were testing infected and they had to stop admitting mothers to labor and delivery. I relayed this story to my husband who still thinks a hospital birth may be safer. It just shows that anything can happen regardless of how well thought out and researched our choices are.

I've also been thinking a lot lately about trusting my instincts and intuition with this pregnancy. I'm finding it harder since Goldie was born. My question is this: Did you "know" (in your gut, not medically speaking) your baby was going to have DS or have a feeling that something wasn't right when you were pregnant?

What do you do all day?

As part of my baby preparations, I wrote down Goldie's routine for the day. My mom will be taking care of her and I want to make it as easy on both of them as possible. Plus, I can go into labor with a clear mind that Goldie's needs are being met. It may also come in handy if anyone stops by to help out after the baby is born.

I couldn't believe once I started how many little things I do for her. I also learned that while I may feel disorganized, we really do have a routine that we follow everyday. Its flexible, but consistent. It also answers the age old SAHM question, "What do you do all day? Don't you get bored?" I thought I would post just the morning to lunch portion, I don't want to completely bore you. If this doesn't seem like a lot, keep in mind that all this goes on while homeschooling my 2 older kids, making their lunch, etc...

Goldie’s Schedule

6:30-8:00 Good Morning!

Potty -Right after she wakes up Goldie pees on the potty. She is usually dry in the morning.

Breakfast Goldie likes: - toast w/ raspberry jam or peanut butter
-Waffles w/ maple syrup to dip them in
-banana
-cereal w/ soy milk (feeds herself so use 2 bibs and a placemat)
- NO cheese, milk, or yogurt
Drink - 50/50 juice (white grape or oj) and water = 8 oz w/ 5 tsp Thick-It
- add 4 drops of Vitamin D (only added to morning drink)
Ginkgo - give .50 ml in the morning (not afternoon or evening)

Get dressed, puts her pajamas away in drawer

Playtime - read books, do puzzles, play babies, watch Signing Time, helps unload dishwasher and puts her dishes away.

10:00 Potty time and snack. Encourage Goldie to drink.

Lunch - 1 orange probiotic and ½ tsp Children’s DHA
- both are on door of refrigerator, use medicine syringe for DHA
-Goldie likes: leftovers from dinner, pb&j, fruit, salad, canned pasta, chicken, salty foods, tuna, and soup
Potty

Nap - Goldie is ready for a nap by 1:00.Sometimes sooner if she was up early. She likes to rock in the recliner and listen to her GloWorm (while I sing along). Sometimes we lay on my bed and I sing to her.

Potty - Goldie usually poops after her afternoon nap. Be patient this can take a long time. It’s a good time to read some books.

So there you have it, a peak at the day in the life of Goldie!

I also did not intend this post to be about nutrition, supplements, or potty training. But, I realize people may have questions after reading it. I consider all of Goldie's supplements essential for her. She has to have probiotics and fish oil(Children's DHA) to avoid constipation. The fish oil and melatonin work together to help her sleep. We also see a difference in her speech and cognition when she is taking Ginkgo. As for potty traing, we aren't. We have practiced elimination communication since Goldie was 4 months old. Our road to being diaper free is just a little longer than most!

Measuring Up

We've been humming right along the last couple weeks. Putting food in the freezer for next month and going on a couple field trips. Like these replicas of the Nina and the Pinta we toured last week.



I've been feeling pretty good, just a little uncomfortable by the end of the day. Which is to be expected at this point,especially with a 2 year old. I have no problems gaining weight, 5 lbs in 3 weeks. I think I'm as big now as when I delivered Goldie. So, I was not expecting to hear that my measurements hadn't changed since my last midwife appt. I measured 33 cm 3 weeks ago and again at 35 weeks. I'm worried about the lack of change more than anything. It is in the normal range to be 2cm smaller or bigger than the number of weeks.

I have to admit that I was pretty freaked out when we left. And into the next day. This wouldn't have bothered me 3 years ago. I should say didn't bother me. I measured small when I was carrying Goldie. Looking back it was the only concrete sign that something was up with her. But, now I know so much more. I'm not worried that this baby could have DS. That I can deal with. I am worried that he's not getting the nutrition he needs to grow. What if something is wrong with the cord or the placenta? I just want to get him here safe and sound.

The good news, he is moving almost constantly and his heart rate was good. The previous measurement could have been wrong and he has also changed position and is sitting lower than before. For now I'm making sure I drink enough water and taking it easy. I go back on Monday and if there is still no change I'll go in for an ultrasound. Until then, prayers are always welcome.

I did it.

I got the H1N1 vaccine yesterday. After many hours of research and debating in my head I decided to just get the shot. My PCP had them and they were mercury free so I went yesterday morning.

Boy, does everyone have an opinion about it too. I can't believe the reasons people were coming up with that I shouldn't get it. Like its a government conspiracy? Seriously?

Right now, it seems like everyone we know has swine flu. The pediatrician (solo practice) up the road was seeing 100 kids a day! I think we may have had it back in August. That was when I had bronchitis and took antibiotics and still coughed for 5 weeks. But, if that wasn't it, then I would really be in trouble if I did get it. Then again, if we did have it, why get a vaccine I don't need?

I know a lot of people say the media is making it out to be worse than it is. Well, after Goldie's surgery in September a woman who lives near us passed away from H1N1 complications (pneumonia). She was only 44. That was when I really started to worry. This was someone we knew. Not someone considered "at risk" or with health complications. I drive by her house everyday and think about her husband and daughters.

I'm also going to see if Goldie's ped has the vaccine available. She barely drinks enough as it is. I hate to think of her getting dehydrated again.
In the meantime, when we are out and about, we'll keep taking baths in hand sanitizer. Then scrubbing again at home. The truth is we did that most of the time anyway. I learned pretty fast that 3 sick kids is no fun. I don't care who thinks I'm crazy as I wipe down the highchair at the restaraunt. Because you know they won't be the ones scrubbing my carpets at 2 am or using a syringe to get fluids into a lethargic 2 year old. And you would be suprised by how dirty the tables are, let alone the highchairs!

More pregnancy stuff

Thanks to everyone who left such reassuring comments on my Pregnancy and PPD post. It's nice to reminded that what I'm feeling is normal for the situation and that everything does work out in the end.

I also wanted to mention that I don't dwell on the serious stuff most of the time. Goldie doesn't allow me any time for that! I am really looking forward to this little guy's birth in December. It will be our first out of hospital birth. There is something I really enjoy about labor (yes, really) and thought this would be the ideal way to give birth. I will not miss dealing with OB's who agree to a birth plan and then change their mind or nurses who can't fathom why I don't want an epidural and have the nerve to tell me "its not fair" when my baby is born before the woman in the next room's. Or staying home until the last possible minute. And don't get me started on that automatic blood pressure cuff. Since we're aware of the various complications that can arise, I am always praying that everything goes well and our baby gets the birth he needs.

Another thing I love about the midwife's office: When you walk in the door their is a series of posters on the wall. I didn't pay much attention at first. Then, I noticed that the first one is of a mother with her baby in a sling. I had to do a double take because that baby had some very familiar DNA! My heart just got all warm when I saw that and I knew I had made the right choice.

Can you imagine that hanging in an OB's office? Gasp

Baby Update Week 32 and Post Partum Depression

I know some of you have been wanting a pregnancy update, so here it is...

I'm happy to say I'm feeling really good and everything has been wonderfully uneventful thus far. I'm measuring exactly where I should. (This was an issue when I was carrying Goldie because she was so small.) I think chasing a 2 year old around is an excellent way to stay in shape and prepare your body for childbirth! The midwife did let me know I should be drinking more water. Duh. I spend all day obsessing over how many ounces Goldie has had to drink that I completely forget about myself.

We also discussed the emotional side of pregnancy. Specifically when you already have a child with a diagnosis. I lost something when Goldie was born. My peace of mind. Before, I assumed I would have healthy pregnancies and typical babies. Now, I am very aware of the myriad of things that could happen to change our lives. I no longer feel that "it won't happen to me" because it has. As God would have it, the midwife I saw that day also has a child with special needs. It was so nice to talk to someone who gets all these feelings. She also brought up some things I hadn't thought of. For instance, did you know some mothers in my situation have a hard time pushing. They feel as long as they are still pregnant the baby is perfect and are afraid of that changing once the baby is born.

I also asked about Post Partum Depression. I dealt with this after Goldie was born and would like to be more proactive this time. Again, she understood and suggested speaking to a psychologist before the birth and taking a childbirth class that deals with overcoming traumatic birth experiences. Not that either of think her birth was traumatic, but it certainly left me with some guilt and hurt feelings.

I don't think I've ever blogged about the PPD I had after Goldie was born. I denied it for a long time because I thought it would mean I wasn't happy with her. I also wasn't really depressed. I didn't sit around in my pajamas all the time. I did everything I was supposed to do in a day. But, I was very angry. All the time. I would yell at my kids over little things and then feel guilty, but do it all again the next day. I also had nightmares and irrational fears. There was a recurring dream that Goldie was missing and I couldn't find her. I tried some natural remedies, like taking Omega-3s. But they didn't help and some actually made the dreams worse. Finally, when Goldie was 8 months old I went to my OB and got a prescription for Zoloft. It helped tremendously and I stayed on it for 9 months and then slowly stopped weaned myself off of it.

Why am I worried that this will happen again? I had the dream again. Only it wasn't Goldie that was missing, but our new baby. It was reassuring to wake up and know that I'm still pregnant. I'm also nervous about having a typical baby. I worry that it will take me back to when Goldie was a baby and I will mourn, again, for the experiences we didn't have. Or even that I will miss the things about her that he doesn't have. I loved that chubby neck and the hugs that melt into you like butter.

I hope that all this worrying is for nothing. These thoughts may all disappear once he is here and in my arms. I imagine we will be so happy with him that there won't be any looking back.

Summer Sickies

I have been sick for an entire week now with bronchitis. I hate taking medicine when I'm pregnant, but my midwife doesn't want it turning into pneumonia. I figured it would be better to take some mild OTC stuff now than get really sick and have to take more potent drugs later. I don't know where I got this because the rest of my family seems completely healthy. Unless, you count Goldie's weird eye infection. It's not pink eye and is doing much better now that she is also on antibiotics. So, we're going to finish our weekend of trying to rest and get better. Her surgery is in less than two weeks and I want her to stay healthy! I'm stocking up on popsicles and applesauce.

Updates and an Ultrasound

We had a week of good news!

First, Goldie saw the pediatric opthalmologist and it looks like she isn't going to need surgery anytime soon. Her nystagmus continues to improve. In Dr. H's words "sometimes nature does as good a job as I can do with surgery." There is another procedure that can be done to center her null point, but hers continues to move so that will also have to wait.

Then we talked to neurosurgeon. Goldie's numbers from her c-spine xray were in the normal range and she doesn't need to have any restrictions. She said Goldie can be just as active as any other kid her age. The Dr. does want to follow up with us yearly for the next two years to see if things move and get worse or better. Now, we have the all clear to get her tonsils and adenoids out.

Last, but not least, I went for my ultrasound. The baby is measuring a week smaller than my dates, so I may get another week to prepare! The dates could be off because of breastfeeding and not having regular cycles. So, here's were things got weird. The very nice lady doing my ultrasound went to talk to the Dr. about the measurements.(FYI - This is not my Dr. I wasn't expecting to see a Dr. I am being cared for by a group of midwives.) She comes back in the room and explains to us that because we have a child with Down syndrome the doctor wants us to speak to a Genetic Counselor. Right now. He will not see us unless we do. She told him we were declining genetic testing. He still wanted us to talk to someone from genetics.

I feel like I should explain our decision. When I was pg with Goldie I had the quad screen, a level II ultrasound at 17 weeks and another u/s at 36 weeks. I wanted to be prepared if my baby was going to have feeding difficulties or require a hospital stay. We also had other children that would have to be taken care of if I was at the hospital with the baby longer than expected. However, God had other plans. All of the screenings came back as normal and we were totally suprised when told that Goldie may have DS. So, I have very little faith in their ability to diagnose prenatally. I have been told by a genetic counselor that we are among the 5% who have the screenings where nothing shows up. Hank and I have also come to terms with the fact that any time you choose to become a parent you are accepting the risks that come with it. Just as there is a chance that a baby can be born with health complications, there is also the possibility that our older children can develop health problems or get hurt in an accident. You can't "test" your way out of life's rough spots.

Back in the room, Goldie is climbing the wallsand my 7 year old is writhing in her chair. It had been a long morning consisting of wrong directions (twice) and the long ultrasound with a stubborn baby curled in a ball. We were done. They got pictures of everything they needed and I'm sure if something doesn't look "right" we'll get a phone call, so we left.

But, not before we found out we're having a BOY!

Swallow Study

Hank and I took Goldie for her swallow study today. She did incredibly well! Which is good and bad. Its good that she is capable of swallowing safely, because she did it for them. But, I swear she aspirates 90% of the time she has a drink. So they managed to catch her the other 10% of the time. They think it may have something to do with her head posture, so now I have to keep a journal for a week so we can figure out what will work. Her head needs to be tilted down through the entire suck and swallow when drinking from a straw. I wish they had thought to have her drink with her head up while they were doing the test. Oh well.

After we got to the van, Hank tells me that they asked him if she had trouble sleeping. He said, "Yes, she has a sleep study next week" They said to let them know how it goes. I'm wondering if they saw some reflux and that led them to ask about her sleep? I'll ask when she calls next week.

Another good thing, there was no negativity toward Goldie still breastfeeding. She asked if I planned to wean her or continue after the baby comes. I told her I would like for Goldie to keep nursing after the baby arrives. She wrote it down in her paperwork and moved on to the next topic. It was nice not to have my decision questioned or looked down on.

As for myself, I started taking Unisom on Sunday and I feel like a different person. Not back to my old self but almost!

Getting better

The morning sickness is somewhat better. It improves throughout the day. I had my first appointment with the midwife and she suggested trying Unisom and a time released B vitamin. I haven't tried it yet, I'm afraid it will make me mroe tired and I don't need that.

Goldie had a sore throat and fever last week. How do I know her throat was sore? Her sisters both had it first and were over it in 48 hours. So, when Goldie woke up with a fever I knew she had the same virus. Too bad it took her almost 5 days to get better.

Then I came down with a head cold and I think Goldie is next. She sounds a little stuffy. Sorry this isn't a more uplifting post!

Did you know morning sickness is contagious? Yep, my kids seem to spend as much time laying on the couch as I do now. Maybe more. Goldie now walks over to the toilet and spits in it. Then she looks up at me and laughs. She's definitely the bright spot in my days.

Tired, cranky, aggitated

That's how I feel lately. I'm annoyed with pretty much everyone and everything. I think it stems from 1st trimester tiredness and a 2yo who won't sleep. I swear if I could even get a decent nap I'd be a new person.

One of the things that hacked me off this week was our visit to the DS Center. I was left with instructions to give Goldie cow's milk, let her cry it out, and a prescription for Miralax. Oh yeah, I almost forgot the flushot. Because a hurriedly manufactured vaccine has to be soo much better for her immune system than breastmilk! Not. I got the kids with DS have weak immune systems lecture. Yeah, well noone told Goldie that and I really don't want her to know because she hasn't been sick in 4 months and has only had antibiotics twice. And I didn't ask for advice on weaning or nutrition so I don't know why he felt compelled to suggest cow's milk. I did ask for information on how Down syndrome could be affecting Goldie's sleep. After the CIO speech I explained that it would be cruel to let a child CIO ever without first looking for a medical reason for nightwaking! He went as far as to ask why I made an appointment with an ENT. The reason should have been obvious, to have her adenoids looked at and talk about sleep apnea. The bottom line is he just doesn't have enough knowledge or experience when it comes to Down syndrome. The suggestions he gave me I could have gotten from any general practice pediatrician.

If you've made it this far, thanks for reading my rant. The other think that struck me when we when we walked into the reception area were the bulletin boards plastered with research study opportunities for Autism. I think this is great, Autism affects a lot of kids. But, there was nothing for DS. (The NIH just doubled the amount of research funding going to our Children's Hospital. I asked and No none of it will go to the DS center) Then, when I suggested checking for vitamin or mineral deficiencies when writing up Goldie's bloodwork I got a big no. "There's no reason to do that" I left with the overall impression that because Goldie has DS I'm supposed to accept its effects on her and not try to find other causes or solutions. Well, that's not my style. So I've been looking for my own answers. I've found a lot of good info on sleep that I'll post about later.

New Life

I've been marveling at the new life spring has brought to our home and property this year. Goldie's tulips bloomed again. They weren't as eye catching as the first year, but I still enjoyed them.

Hank bought me blackberry, raspberry, and blueberry bushes for Easter. We planted them where the chicken coop was last year. The soil there should be nice and fertile.

The asparagus I planted last year is coming up! I love asparagus and now we will be able to eat it from our own garden! Hank was laughing at how excited I got over seeing the first skinny shoots.

Two weeks ago I planted half of the garden. (The half Hank didn't dump clumps of cow manure on.) I planted lettuce, cabbage, onions, and sugar snap peas. They will all do well if we get another frost. I'll plant more after Mother's Day.



We surprised everyone with the news this week that Goldie is going to be a big sister! It looks like the girls will be getting a new sibling for Christmas. I couldn't have planned that if I tried. Not that we were trying or planning. I admit to crying a few frightened tears. Goldie is still nursing a lot and doesn't sleep for sh*** at night. Because of Hank's work I'm on my own when it comes to nighttime parenting. (It just wouldn't be good to have a sleep deprived, gasoline tanker truck driver cruising the roads.) So, this means I have to get my act together and figure out how to help her sleep better on her own. We have an ENT appointment this month and plans to rearrange the girl's bedrooms. Any gentle parenting ideas are welcome. (We don't CIO.)

The girls are excited. They are hoping for a brother. I explained that I don't think those odds are very good. I'm so happy that Goldie will have a sibling close in age to her. Out of all 4 children, these 2 will be closest in age. Most of our friends and family are happy for us. But, there's always that one person who has to see the dark side of everything. It's a shame, really. I'm looking forward to seeing our family grow. I grew up with only 2 cousins that live 600 miles away. I always wished for a bigger family, especially around the holidays. I missed having kids to draw, sing, or play dolls with. As an adult,that has become my wish for my kids. We can't give them cousins, but we can give them each other. I just hope that whatever life brings their way, our children are able to go through it together.