Wordless Wednesday - OT

Halloween 2009

Here is the best picture I could get. Goldie wanted nothing to do with standing still, she was ready to go! Hank and his friend use a tractor drive the kids around with a trailer and some hay bales. I think that was Goldie's favorite part. After getting out for the first 5 houses she was done and I brought her home. Despite all the candy, all 3 girls were asleep by 9:30!

I wanted to update since my last post. Goldie's ped doesn't have the H1N1 shot. My PCP only had 4 left when I called and Goldie is not their patient so I couldn't get one for her. The health department said they don't know of anyone in this part of the state that has them and I was very lucky to get one myself.

I did it.

I got the H1N1 vaccine yesterday. After many hours of research and debating in my head I decided to just get the shot. My PCP had them and they were mercury free so I went yesterday morning.

Boy, does everyone have an opinion about it too. I can't believe the reasons people were coming up with that I shouldn't get it. Like its a government conspiracy? Seriously?

Right now, it seems like everyone we know has swine flu. The pediatrician (solo practice) up the road was seeing 100 kids a day! I think we may have had it back in August. That was when I had bronchitis and took antibiotics and still coughed for 5 weeks. But, if that wasn't it, then I would really be in trouble if I did get it. Then again, if we did have it, why get a vaccine I don't need?

I know a lot of people say the media is making it out to be worse than it is. Well, after Goldie's surgery in September a woman who lives near us passed away from H1N1 complications (pneumonia). She was only 44. That was when I really started to worry. This was someone we knew. Not someone considered "at risk" or with health complications. I drive by her house everyday and think about her husband and daughters.

I'm also going to see if Goldie's ped has the vaccine available. She barely drinks enough as it is. I hate to think of her getting dehydrated again.
In the meantime, when we are out and about, we'll keep taking baths in hand sanitizer. Then scrubbing again at home. The truth is we did that most of the time anyway. I learned pretty fast that 3 sick kids is no fun. I don't care who thinks I'm crazy as I wipe down the highchair at the restaraunt. Because you know they won't be the ones scrubbing my carpets at 2 am or using a syringe to get fluids into a lethargic 2 year old. And you would be suprised by how dirty the tables are, let alone the highchairs!

More pregnancy stuff

Thanks to everyone who left such reassuring comments on my Pregnancy and PPD post. It's nice to reminded that what I'm feeling is normal for the situation and that everything does work out in the end.

I also wanted to mention that I don't dwell on the serious stuff most of the time. Goldie doesn't allow me any time for that! I am really looking forward to this little guy's birth in December. It will be our first out of hospital birth. There is something I really enjoy about labor (yes, really) and thought this would be the ideal way to give birth. I will not miss dealing with OB's who agree to a birth plan and then change their mind or nurses who can't fathom why I don't want an epidural and have the nerve to tell me "its not fair" when my baby is born before the woman in the next room's. Or staying home until the last possible minute. And don't get me started on that automatic blood pressure cuff. Since we're aware of the various complications that can arise, I am always praying that everything goes well and our baby gets the birth he needs.

Another thing I love about the midwife's office: When you walk in the door their is a series of posters on the wall. I didn't pay much attention at first. Then, I noticed that the first one is of a mother with her baby in a sling. I had to do a double take because that baby had some very familiar DNA! My heart just got all warm when I saw that and I knew I had made the right choice.

Can you imagine that hanging in an OB's office? Gasp

Wordless Wednesday - Children's Museum

Baby Update Week 32 and Post Partum Depression

I know some of you have been wanting a pregnancy update, so here it is...

I'm happy to say I'm feeling really good and everything has been wonderfully uneventful thus far. I'm measuring exactly where I should. (This was an issue when I was carrying Goldie because she was so small.) I think chasing a 2 year old around is an excellent way to stay in shape and prepare your body for childbirth! The midwife did let me know I should be drinking more water. Duh. I spend all day obsessing over how many ounces Goldie has had to drink that I completely forget about myself.

We also discussed the emotional side of pregnancy. Specifically when you already have a child with a diagnosis. I lost something when Goldie was born. My peace of mind. Before, I assumed I would have healthy pregnancies and typical babies. Now, I am very aware of the myriad of things that could happen to change our lives. I no longer feel that "it won't happen to me" because it has. As God would have it, the midwife I saw that day also has a child with special needs. It was so nice to talk to someone who gets all these feelings. She also brought up some things I hadn't thought of. For instance, did you know some mothers in my situation have a hard time pushing. They feel as long as they are still pregnant the baby is perfect and are afraid of that changing once the baby is born.

I also asked about Post Partum Depression. I dealt with this after Goldie was born and would like to be more proactive this time. Again, she understood and suggested speaking to a psychologist before the birth and taking a childbirth class that deals with overcoming traumatic birth experiences. Not that either of think her birth was traumatic, but it certainly left me with some guilt and hurt feelings.

I don't think I've ever blogged about the PPD I had after Goldie was born. I denied it for a long time because I thought it would mean I wasn't happy with her. I also wasn't really depressed. I didn't sit around in my pajamas all the time. I did everything I was supposed to do in a day. But, I was very angry. All the time. I would yell at my kids over little things and then feel guilty, but do it all again the next day. I also had nightmares and irrational fears. There was a recurring dream that Goldie was missing and I couldn't find her. I tried some natural remedies, like taking Omega-3s. But they didn't help and some actually made the dreams worse. Finally, when Goldie was 8 months old I went to my OB and got a prescription for Zoloft. It helped tremendously and I stayed on it for 9 months and then slowly stopped weaned myself off of it.

Why am I worried that this will happen again? I had the dream again. Only it wasn't Goldie that was missing, but our new baby. It was reassuring to wake up and know that I'm still pregnant. I'm also nervous about having a typical baby. I worry that it will take me back to when Goldie was a baby and I will mourn, again, for the experiences we didn't have. Or even that I will miss the things about her that he doesn't have. I loved that chubby neck and the hugs that melt into you like butter.

I hope that all this worrying is for nothing. These thoughts may all disappear once he is here and in my arms. I imagine we will be so happy with him that there won't be any looking back.

Fall Pictures

My 7 yo grabbed Goldie and the camera and took these pictures. She is so thoughtful and know how I love to take fall pictures of them. I think they turned out much better than the ones I tried to take of the 3 of them.

Self portrait of the photographer and her subject.