Friday, March 27, 2009
My little corner of Holland
I planted these tulips when I was pregnant with Goldie, they bloomed about a month after she was born. I would go stand by the road just to look at them because it was like a sign that everything was going to be ok.
I mentioned in my last post that Goldie's due date happened to fall on World Down Syndrome Day. Another neat little tidbit is that I read The Memory Keeper's Daughter while I was pregnant with her. If you've read it you'll know that it takes place in Pittsburgh, which is less than an hour away from my house.
I'm still, uh, experiencing, Goldie's birthday. So, I keep thinking back over the years to events that have taken on new meaning. There is one that sticks out, a lot. Many Thanksgivings ago, when I was the mother of one maybe two little girls, the topic of selective reduction came up. (This was around the time of the first septuplets and not exactly appropriate convo with small kids around) One of our family members thought this was a good idea because it would be too hard for a child to go through life with Cerebral Palsy. Then, this person said that if they knew their child would have Down syndrome or anything like that they would terminate the pregnancy. That was when I spoke up and said "I don't think people with Down syndrome are unhappy. I think they live good lives and we are the ones who think they are missing out on something. We are the ones with the problem, not them." That ended the conversation. I will always feel proud that I defended my daughter before she was conceived, but disgusted that I had to. Goldie has changed that family member's thinking, for the most part. But, I find myself unable to forget that if it was up to that person, she may not be here. I've been feeling guilty that I'm unable to forgive this ignorant comment. I admit that I'm not always nice to the person who said it. On some level, I wonder if I blame them for Goldie having DS. Most days though, I like to believe Goldie heard me on that Thanksgiving and said "Her, I want her for my Mama."